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| It was a hot day. The kind of day where you would not want to step out of your home. The kind of day that you stay indoors to watch a movie or play pool. However, here was I, digging the infertile soil of the jungle.
The scene seemed so illogical, yet so familiar. I do not recall doing this in Africa during the summer. As I focused on the memory, I then recalled that this was Singapore. It was in 2005, and I was in the army in the forest of Pulau Tekong.
What was I digging for? I found metal bottlecaps, glass bottles, cracked marble and other stuff from a bygone era. My friend had lost his rifle washer (a small ring) and we were helping him find it.
Frustrated at my attempts to find it, I suddenly got my Christian friends (like Aaron and Issac) in my platoon to pray. And amazingly, we found the washer. I do not know if the two events were correlated.
"Prayer is what defines you," the same dark figure that had tugged me along remarked. Immediately, I recalled praying with my Ngee Ann school friends after receiving the O level results and praying for my JC friend Ee Han after she feared for her poor results.
"Is this what you dragged me so far for me to see?" I questioned my captor.
The dark figure shook his head and beckoned me to follow. I did.
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| Where am I? Wait... I am dreaming aren't I?
I remember I was very young--probably about 10. My house was a private apartment in TG mansion. Gosh, how long ago was that?
My prayer was short, simple and sweet.
"Thank you God for food and drinks-- Amen!"
It was a fine prayer to be said just before a meal-- except for some reason I said it aloud just as my Dad was tucking me to sleep. Embarassed, I said my bedtime prayer instead and drifted to sleep.
Why did I recall this? A dark figure stood beside me, as he took me into another memory.
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| As you readers may know, I have been struggling with memory issues. The point is that I do have my past diaries and enteries to refer to, but I am afraid. I'm afraid of changing status quo. I'm very scared that if I find out the truth, I may lose Joshua Wang, David Kwek and Yon Jan as friends. I remembered some conflict drove a wedge between me and them, but I can't remember, so I behave as though it never happened.
On the flip side, I can't remember why I am suddenly good friends with Clare and Bing Liang, because I am recall disliking them a lot, but now they are like my friends.
And there are things I just do not understand. I find it weird that some of my friends like Yijun and Katie look at me strange, as if they expect me to be somebody I am not.
And I just had a flash of my memory recently, as I envied someone, and I caught a glimpse of my left hand turning dark.
Like what I said in the previous posts, I should not fear the truth. For the truth will set me free (John 8:32). I believe Jesus, and I want to discover myself again.
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| What now?
If Jesus was really the son of God, and God, and died for my sins on the cross, what must I do? The question struck me like a thunderbolt.
My brain and my heart told me to ignore it, to live my life as if as though I didn't start my investigation. Yet with a clear conscience I could not.
In the light of overwhelming evidence, I had to become a Christian.
In many ways, I am still seeking for the truth. If I do find a overwhelming evidence against the life, death and life of Jesus Christ, I'll stop being a Christian. Until then, I will follow the legancy of one God, of one man who died on the cross, with the Holy Spirit guiding me
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| Visions can be faked or mistaken; philiosphy may be right or wrong; but evidence is always there. For me, what has been done, has been done-- there was no point asking what if or make excuses in the light of overwhelming evidence.
In 2007, after being challenged to take up Christianity, I searched for the strongest evidence for and against it. Most of the arguments against it laid in philosophy, creationism and exclusiveness to the truth.
Reading more into it, I realised that Christianity had based itself on one single flaw-- the life and death of Jesus Christ. If I could disproved that he lived, died and rose again, I would leave Chrisitanity. If I were to invent a religion, I would not put it in such a frail state to be tested on.
However, I failed. There was really a man called Jesus. There were predictations on where and when he would be born, and it happened. There were historical eyewitness accounts (Biblical and secular) evidences that he performed miracles and rose from the dead. None of his apostles renounced Him after he left earth, despite the threats of death.
If this really happened where would I go from there? Unwittingly, I came to the same conclusion as CS Lewis and Bono (of U2) (I was unaware of their conclusions at that time). He was either God, bad or mad. He could be telling the truth, that he was the son of God, was God and bore my sins on that cross.
Or he could be evil, deceiving hundreds, and later millions of people into a false worship. I find that unlikely, as I see Chirstainity with good teaching and morals.
Or he could be insane, as he thought he was God. This too was unlikely as he had the ability to touch and change lives for the better.
Lots of people argue that he could be just a good man. With all respect, I beg to differ. If he was just a good man, he would not claim to be God, with the power to forgive all sins. He would be evil, for lying then.
The possible explanation for me was that Jesus is God. I cannot disprove them without a clear conscience. So where do I go from there?
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